Private Blog Countdown begins...

Hi....

Still here :)  I'm going to figure out this private blog thing and go private next Monday.  If you haven't sent me an E-mail or left me your E-mail address in the comments section please do so you can follow along our adoption journey.  Everything is still moving forward and our baby girl is due August 7th...as in this August....as in just a few weeks....YIKES :)  I have a lot more to update you with so please leave me your E-mail address to send you an official "Private Blog" invite.

p.s. Oh, sister of mine that is uncomfortable with all the sentimental, emotional, touchy feely stuff...I love you, but you are soooo not invited :)

Private

Hello.  I will be taking this blog private for a couple months.  If you would like to follow along please send me an E-mail and I will add you to the "permission" list :)

Thanks.

calmil2@yahoo.com

Mix of Emotions

I am having such a contrast of emotions.  I am excited and happy and so sad and depleted.  

The social worker met with G, the birthmom, yesterday for 3 hours.  I know I have said it so many times, but I am really thankful for the social worker I found.  I feel like it is one of the many pieces of this adoption journey that was meant to be.  I think if she hadn't come into the picture than this young, sweet birthmom would have just tried to keep all her emotions inside which would have been detrimental to her future.  G is still processing everything and asking all the right questions and she is grieving.  I am feeling so sad and protective of G that I am finding it so hard to be excited about the baby.  I think I am going to write G a letter just to get all my emotions out.  Whether I give it to her or not it will feel good to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head and down on paper.  The social worker said that G is going to E-mail me to make contact so of'course I am checking my E-mail every 10 seconds :)  I really am glad we are moving forward and even through all her grieving G told the social worker that she is so happy that the baby is going to us.  I feel so honored that placing her baby with us gives her some peace.  I only hope she can continue to find peace throughout this journey.  I hope we all can.

One Step Closer

We are one step closer to our daughter.  Yesterday the birthmom, G, had an ultrasound and everything looks good AND they were able to confirm that the baby is a GIRL!!!  Her due date is August 7th....WOW, that is sooner than we thought.  My sister-in-law, aka Angel, talked with G and although yesterday was a hard day for G (her first time seeing the baby) she said that she thinks an adoption plan is best for the baby.  It is hard to be excited when I know G is hurting.  She's so young and sweet and I have really grown to care about her.  The GREAT news is it sounds like G and her parents are more interested in an open adoption which we truly believe is best for everyone.  Initially they were in shock and just wanted the situation to go away, so it didn't seem like they wanted any contact with the baby, but now they are adjusting and softening and that is great.

The social worker (who I adore) meets with G today and will have a lot more information.  I am also hoping that G wants to talk to us and if she does than I am looking forward to calling her tomorrow.

I have moments of overwhelming joy and peace.  The personal growth I have been through, and am still going through, with this journey is amazing and I almost can't think about it or I will crumble into a pile on the floor.  It is all so much and yet exactly right.  I don't know how excited to be.  I know that G could change her mind or the bio father could say he wants custody (which is unlikely, but you never know).  So, can I be excited now, or do I need to wait until we are holding our baby girl and G has signed the paperwork?  This whole process is so different than international adoption and I don't feel prepared.  I want to go buy a couple girlie outfits, but I am cautious.  I know if G decides to raise the baby then that is her right and I will honor that, but it will be hard to let go.  Any advice is appreciated.

This Week

Hopefully we will get some answers this week.  The birthmom has her ultrasound on Tuesday and she called the social worker and set up an appointment for Wednesday.  I think this coming week will bring us a lot of answers.  I just need to try to keep breathing in and breathing out...

Phone Call

I talked to the social worker today and she is going to call the Birthmom today or tomorrow to set up a time to meet with her.  I found out that with an independent (domestic) adoption the Birthmom has to have information about the adopting family so that she can actually "choose" the family, which we are fine with, I just hope it doesn't overwhelm the young birthmom.  I am really happy that the social worker is calling the birthmom directly and that the birthmom's parents agreed to that.  I think the social worker is wonderful and will really be able to help the birthmom work through her emotions.  I am hoping to hear this weekend how the talk or meeting goes with the birthmom.  Please say some prayers and/or send some good energy for the meeting to go well.

Thanks!!

Who Me?

Today is just one of those days that I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!  But, I don't have a crystal ball and I just have to wait and let things unfold and I just need to vent that today I don't like it!  The birthmom's ultrasound in next Tuesday and I think we will hear something after that (hopefully).  I just need to know...

Roller Coaster

Aaaaaand We're Back....

So, I just heard from my sister-in-law (man, I love that girl) and the domestic birth family called her and asked for the social worker's phone number to set up an appointment.  So, I guess they are still interested in making an adoption plan.  She also said that the family is doing better, not in crisis as much, so that's good.  I am still saying, "We will see" as nothing is final until it's final :) 

Disappear

Well, it looks like the domestic adoption is not going to happen.  The birthfamily has kind of disappeared, well not entirely, but they have greatly reduced communication with my sister in law and they are not talking about the adoption anymore.  There is still a chance that they will call in a few weeks and be interested in making an adoption plan and we will have to decide what the best decision is for our family.  I am a little disappointed because I did start to fantasize about a newborn baby girl, but on the other hand I was also freaking out about all that comes with a newborn.  One of my friends said, "you know it always seems that in the situations that are not meant to be you find yourself trying too hard to make it be," and I think that is exactly what I was doing.  

I am excited to be back on our Ethiopia adoption path because my heart still had a foot, a big foot, over the line and into Ethiopia :)  We are taking it somewhat slow so that we can continue to save the money needed to complete the process, but I know we will get there.  Another one of my friends (man I have smart friends) said, "At the end of all this your precious daughter that is meant to be in your family will be in your arms." Kind of makes my arms ache :)

Heavy Heart

Today I heard some difficult news and my heart hearts.  The birthfamily that we are connected too is really struggling.  We are hoping they call the social worker ASAP to get help for their family.  We are also hoping that if we are blessed with a baby girl from this family that we can help her understand, forgive and love her birthfamily.  I know we have the strength to get through this, I just hope we can do a good job!!